My solution would totally work

March 24, 2008 - Leave a Response

We were over at my girl’s mother’s house for Easter dinner, and a drawer was stuck. Kim called me over to get it unstuck, and it turned out it was a cheese grater that was jammed in there behind all the spatulas.


“You know what you need here…a Lesser Cheese Grater,” I said in all seriousness. She didn’t even have to say a word to let me know she was disappointed in me.


Let my people groan

February 28, 2008 - Leave a Response

My son was doing his paper on ancient Egypt. He asked out loud ‘Who was it again that Moses asked to let his people go?’. His mom replied ‘Oh, that was the Pharaoh,’.

 The Un-Pharaoh

I hollered out from the bedroom ‘Shoulda been called the UN-Pharaoh!’.

They all bonded a little, rejecting my joke together.

Safety rules

November 18, 2007 - Leave a Response

My girl got a sewing machine and the whole family was sitting around it working on getting it ready for the maiden sew. I got everyone’s attention and said in a commanding voice “Ok let me just go over some safety rules that you MUST follow,” Everyone rolled their eyes at each other because I am always the wet blanket. “Absolutely! No! Sewing Seeds of Destruction! No sewing ANY dissent under any circumstances and NO dirty so-and sewing!”

They didn’t even laugh with relief that I wasn’t killing their fun. Hmmph.



November 6, 2007 - One Response

Q: Why don’t you want a Pokemon in the same room as you when you’re getting dressed?

A: Because they might Peek-at-chu!

Pikachu is a trademarked image.  This image is not intended to insinuate that Pikachu or any pokemon is a deviant or a pervert.  I’m just sayin’ that kid seems a little stare-y.  That’s all.

Thanks, JW

November 5, 2007 - Leave a Response

Looks like a good place to start!  Thanks to JW for making me this site.  I will be writing down the things I say that my kids call ‘Matt Jokes’.  Mostly puns that I laugh at and they roll their eyes.  That’s how I know it’s funny!